Torn
I’ve been having alot of issues lately. I know that emotional eating doesn’t fix anything but what about emotional baking? When ever I got upset I use to bake things, not just one item like a cake but multiple items like a cake, cupcakes, cookies, turnovers, pies, and marshmallows (in three different flavors). Unfortuately I also ended eating some and then bringing the rest to work. Coworkers would have a hay day and I’d feel better. Baking therapy. But like I stated before I would always have to sample what I baked and it had to be baking, not cooking, like dinner. The opposite holds true. When I get emotional I hate cooking, dinner is what ever you can find.
So my stuggle is I want to bake! These past two weeks have been awful. Make it three weeks. It started going downhill on the Duluth trip. Eating out was stressful. I had four kids(DS #2 brought a friend) and a husband that love pizza & nurgers, since those food items are few and far between in our house hubby that this would be an excellant time. All weekend was crap. I ate a huge salad before eating the pizza from Pizza Luce. Didn’t seem to help. I even orderd the veggie pizza with red sauce not the garlic cream sauce, easy on the cheese. Still ate way to much. All of eating out was like that. I would go in with great intentions, order healthier items and still ended up eating more than I should have.
Got back to work on Monday and found out they let one of my co-workers go. It was the one I didn’t get along with so well. The one who loved to make inappropriate comments. So I was torn on how I should feel. I felt bad but not real bad since I really didn’t care for the guy. Of course a card was passed around for money to help him out. I put $20 in and signed my name. I just didn’t know what to write. Anyway he came in yesterday and was talking about the card and he noticed how some people just signed thier names and thought that meant something. Then the wierd thing was he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him. Hell no!
Thanksgiving was stressful, cooking, family, house cleaning, eating way too much again.
Yesterday we found out another person was let go. This one I liked and will miss dearly. He was the only other that lived in my part of the woods, south of the twin cities in a smaller town. He enjoyed gardening and we would always swap produce and recipes.
Then this morning was the kicker. I went to pick up my daughters phone off the floor so it wouldn’t get stepped on. It went off and I read the text message. It was from the old boyfriend and I had to scroll up and read the rest. The last thing I wanted was him back in her life. Sure enough he wants to get back together with her and “hang out”. Anyway, what caught me off guard was him asking her why she seems so tired all the time. She told him she’s struggling with anorexia! Whatthe! So I thought about it. I always remind her to grab something for breakfast, but I never see her eat anything. Lunch is at school, so again I don’t know. Then at dinner she always eats very little. This is where my thought process went before I found out about the anorexia thing – she should eat more, but telling her to eat when she’s full might lead to bad habits of always feeling she needs to finish her plate. So I never said anything and excused her from the table. So maybe she does have a slight problem. I looked into it and it was surprising to find that alot of girls turn to anorexia because they feel the need to be able to control something. Usually it’s high achivers. Girls that feel they have alot of expectations put on them.
So I tried talking to her this morning. I asked her about it, she said it’s nothing. I asked her if she’s talked to anyone about it. She told me the school counselor, I asked her what she said, she told her she needed to eat to be able to participate in school activities. I told her it’s true. That she needs energy to perform well. Oops, were those the wrong words again. Expecting her to do well. She just got quiet and told me everything was fine.
So now I have to wonder, is this really happening or is this some stupid ploy to make Sean feel bad about breaking up with her.
First of all, don’t beat yourself up so bad about the weekend. Sometimes it’s just tuff to stick to the plan. The main thing is getting back on track as soon as you can and move forward, not looking back. If I had remembered it was okay to screw up, just get back on track, I wouldn’t be back to trying to lose the almost 50lbs. I lost once already. It might have only been 10.
As for the baking, oh my gosh, am I glad I don’t know you in person. I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to resist all those homemade goodies. If you really want to bake, go ahead. Bake your Christmas gifts for your neighbors, for your work, etc. Bake with the idea that it’s for them for Christmas, not for you and the family. Maybe your daughter would like to help, for some of her friends, or her friends parents, teachers, etc.
The other choice would be to bake, but rework your recipes so you can eat some without destroying yourself, and then give them away if you want.
As for your daughter, my heart goes out to you. I remember when I found out my daughter was taking laxetives, etc. There is so much pressure on teens these days, I don’t think I would dismiss it as a ploy, especially if you never see her eat. They have websites, etc. that encourage this kind of thing and it’s very scary, and more prevelant than we know. A lot of doctors don’t treat it properly either. Their answer is to just make her eat, but it’s usually just a symptom of a very low self-image and self-esteem. You might try doing some research and then showing her what happens to girls who won’t eat. (The Karen Carpenter story is a great example). I’ll hold you both in my prayers.
Sorry for ‘talking’ your ear off. LOL