A Little about myself
Hi! I’m a litte scared and also quite nervous starting this and wondering where to begin. I’m hoping that having a bit of a blog will keep me honest in my weight loss journey. I’m on the short side of 5′ 2″, I’m currently 135.8 lbs. Yikes! I can’t believe I’m telling you the truth. I was on WW before and got down to 120.3. So I’ve gained like 15 lbs over the summer. My clothes are tight and I feel so uncomfortable, I thought it would be a good idea to throw all my fat clothes out. I guess in a way it was or I might be back at 165 lbs! I have a wonderful husband and three wonderful kids. My oldest is just entering her teen years and it’s scary watching her trying to navigate through school, boys, and drama. Of course she doesn’t want MY help. So sometimes I have to sit by quietly knowing when she’s hurting. I think that is when I feel my heart is going to break. The middle one is a few years younger and he’s my quiet one. I always wonder why he’s like that, thinking maybe I didn’t give him enough attention, “middle child syndrome”, and all that. I don’t know. My youngest just started kindergarden this year. He’s my fearless one. Always thinks he can do what the older kids can do and usually can. Just scares the crap out of me in the process. Still he’s my “littlest”.
So back to the weight loss thing. I’m definitely going to do WW again and I have to give a shout out to Lauri ann whom I saw on the Back on Track message board. She’s set up a blog on wordpress and it got me to thinking that I should too.
I’m a complete coward right now. I know I should just face the music and go to a meeting and WI. But then everybody would know that I failed. I couldn’t keep the weight off. I live in a small town south of the Twin Cities, maybe about 3,000 people. Why do I care what they think? I’m contemplating about WI at a different meeting. There is one less than two miles from where I work. The only problem is they meet at 10:00am on Wednesday. I think that’s a little early for me to take my lunch since I start at 8:00am. Maybe I can just slip over there for the WI and not stay for the meeting. I’m so confused. I feel like I’m just making excuses.
I need to really make a lifestyle change and not sure how to move forward with this. I lost most of my weight doing the CORE plan and loved it. But it didn’t stay off. So this time around I’m thinking of trying the FLEX plan. I started it on Saturday and have faithfully been tracking my points but I feel like I’m actually getting heavier? What’s with that? I know I’m only sappose to step on the scale once a week but I’ll tell you, I’m a total scale whore. Anyway, I stepped on the scale on Saturday and it read 134 lbs. Today it said 135.8 lbs. Now I know my scale is pretty accuret(sp?) due to the fact that I use to always step on the scale right before I’d leave for my offical WW weigh in and they were always within .2 lbs of each other.
**Sigh** So, now I’m thinking….. Maybe the CORE plan is for me. I found it so much easier and less tracking. I normally eat the CORE anyways. I just thought the points would gt my portions under control but it isn’t. Then again I know I’m sappose to give it at least two full weeks. But I feel like I’m at the edge and I can’t afford to possibly gain the next two weeks! I just don’t understand why I have to be so self destructive. I know how to work the plan and make it work. Yet I’ll do it for a few days then BAM, go on a binge. I loved the way I use to look, I loved the way I use to feel. So way can’t I love myself enough to get back there?
Yeah, Hueyea! Your blog looks great and it feels open and honest! You go girl! Good luck with just getting into the teen yrs. with your daughter. I’ve been there done that. They say the ‘2’s are terrible, they aren’t anything compared to having to deal with teen girls! (Don’t mean to scare you, just warn you) Both my girls and I had a terrible time once they got about 15, but once they got a little older and moved out and had to come back home at least once, we’ve been the best of friends. It’s quite the transition when they move from prideful to humble. LOL
As for the weight loss, don’t be so hard on yourself. If I read right, last time you came down from 165. Gaining 15lbs. back is inconvenient, but not enough to jump the bridge. If you liked the core plan better and it worked for you, I would go back to the core plan and use it to start and stay motivated. You can always switch to the flex plan to maintain if you want to introduce new foods into your plan later on.
Don’t look at yourself as a failure. You’re doing something about it now instead of waiting until you gained all your wait back like I did. We all have a tendancy to go back to old habits. Look at how many times smokers try to quit smoking before they actually quit? The sin isn’t in gaining 15lbs. back. The sin is in not caring. Good luck to both of us!